Taking time out

You will never understand me.
I'm trying to let you in, although I know it can only end badly.
Your lies are frequent, and your attitude sucks!
Are you aware of the fact that I too am a human being, I feel... but right now I feel betrayed.

But if he changes his mind, and tries once again to hold me tightly, and tell me that he cares (lie to me), I will be right there pretending that everything is alright. But I will still be waiting for him to wake up and finally say goodbye.

For someone that has been such a huge part of your life, its hard to say goodbye, even if you know deep down that they are bad for you, they always have been, and that none of that is going to change... Because that knowledge is buried so far within your soul, pushed there by yourself, and brought up on the rare occasions that you're genuinely happy, before being squashed down again, and buried once more until later... much, much later.

I'm sick of the way you want to be with me only as a substitute for being alone!

I know that I dont want to let go... ever! So really I have no right to complain about it... really. From this writing it sounds like I know how bad the situation is, and how I need to get rid of it/him from my life, and my heart... However when Im not in my moments of clarity, when Im not frantically typing my thoughts into the computer, I am thinking about all the nice things he says, and the times when I actually believed what he told me. And not only this, but I think of the possible moments we could have in the future...

After all of the emotions that I've been feeling lately I decided to give things a rest for a while. We stopped talking for a while, not in a negative sense, we seem to drift in and out of each others lives, and perhaps that is how it has always been intended to be... Or perhaps just neither of us know how to let go.